It's been a minute since I've posted on the blog, things have been a little hectic since May. I had a job that allowed me to bring my son with me to the office while I worked, but that changed towards the end of May due to unforeseen circumstances. I will miss that company, but I felt that it was more important that I be the one at home to look after my child instead of spending more than I earned in a month for a stranger to watch him. Still, it's a little scary to go from a dual income to a single income household. With the cost of living being what it is, being a stay at home parent doesn't feel good sometimes. There's guilt of not contributing financially making you feel like your work with the kids and taking care of the home is somehow less-than. That's not the case at all, but it's hard to rewire the brain that's been trained to view your worth in what you bring home after taxes. I am back in the job market, competing with thousands of others for remote work, armed with a standard skill set and combating AI filters that form a blockade from the human in charge of hiring.

My time since stepping away from my job hasn't been spent lounging and eating bon-bons at home, though. I drove solo with my son to Tennessee to visit my parents for my brother's birthday in June. I've made the 7.5 hour drive a couple of times before, but never without my husband, so I was a but nervous to see how I would handle my son without help. Turns out, it was pretty easy! I left around 5 am and stopped at a Cracker Barrel for a break about 4 hours into the trip. After having some breakfast and running out some energy, Billy fell right back asleep for the majority of the remainder of the trip. We spent a few days with my parents, and got to visit In-N-Out, which I had been craving since I left California in 2018. They really need to make their way further east than Tennessee! On what would have been my brother's 25th birthday, my parents set up a pay it forward event at a coffee stand in Shelbyville called Southern Cup. They paid for $300 worth of coffees for the day, and gave cards with a description of my brother and a plea to reach out if you are struggling with mental health. I felt like that was a wonderful way to honor my brother and let the community know that there will always be a hand to hold if you just reach out. It turned what is normally just a day of mourning into a day with a silver lining and hope.

Billy and I made the journey home in time for 4th of July and had a blast watching fireworks, riding in a golf cart around the edge of the host's property, and dancing. The host invited us back a few days later to swim and I discovered that my son is a water baby. We spent all day in the pool, even to the point of him napping on me while we lounged on a pool float. It was a highlight of summer to be sure, relaxing in the hot sun with my baby and good friends. Another victory this summer was stopping breastfeeding. At this point, I had been breastfeeding for a year and a half and it was more of a comfort nurse than him actually being hungry. Billy was eating 3 meals and a metric ton of snacks a day, so I felt fine stopping. I wasn't prepared for the anxiety that hit me when I stopped cold turkey. I felt like it was the drop in hormones I expected to feel a few weeks postpartum, and my hair started falling out more than it ever had. I was always on edge, even though my son was acclimated after a week of being denied. It took about two to three weeks to even out, and now I feel more like my pre-pregnancy self than ever, which is nice. If only this brain fog would completely clear up!

We attended a Vegas Glam themed joint bachelor/bachelorette party and had a blast! It was the first time in a long while that my husband and I had a night out together, so I got all dolled up to remind him (and myself) that I'm not just somebody's mother. My body dysmorphia gives me unmatched confidence in my appearance when I look in the mirror (photos, not so much). Despite how fat I feel when I look at the pictures taking that night, I see the evidence of a fun evening celebrating friends. We drank, gambled, got tatted up (temporarily), and I may have touched a few butts before calling it a night. We can't wait to be there for our friends on their big day in December! Having found the love of my life, I love seeing our friends also find their person and share in their happiness at their weddings.

Speaking of weddings, we drove to Pittsburgh to watch my cousin get married and that was a wonderful time. The drive was pretty easy, although I had never driven through a mountain tunnel before, and there were two of them! We stayed in Monaca, just outside of Pittsburgh and although we stayed next to their dying Beaver Valley Mall, which made me sad, I was happy that all of the things we would need were really close by and easy to access. We ate breakfast every morning at the hotel, but I was able to make my Starbucks runs and stopped at their Target to replenish Billy's snacks. We went to the Pittsburgh Zoo, which was mostly for me because Billy wasn't really observant and missed half the animals. He did enjoy the fish in the aquarium, but quickly ditched us to run into the gift shop to dance to their radio. The boy loves to dance. He charmed all the bridesmaids at the rehearsal dinner and they loved dancing with him at the reception. Watching my cousin exchange vows with a man who compliments her so perfectly made my heart burst, and we loved to see family that we hadn't seen in a long while. Billy was more interested in the farm's gravel (there's something about rocks and mulch that this kid just can't pass up), but we were able to lure him to the floor to dance. We spent our last day in Pittsburgh exploring. We found a phenomenal deli called the Mayfly Market and Deli for lunch, and took Billy to the Children's Museum. The drive home always seems to take longer than the trip to your destination.

We are settling back into our routine, and I may try to tackle potty training while I'm still job hunting. I know summer isn't over yet, but this is just a recap of what we have been up to so far. We still have a month of summer left and I'm sure it will be full of chaos and adventure, just like every other month has been so far! I'm excited to see what life has in store for us.