Getting by Day to Day: Coffee and Baby Cuddles

After having a baby, your life seems to move in two hour increments.

It starts in the early morning hours, before you've had a chance to lay your head on your pillow for more than a few moments. Your baby will whimper and cry out, and you're back on duty. I may be tired from not being able to get any solid stretches of sleep, but I love my son and bringing him comfort is comforting to me in a way.

I get up and feed him, take some time to settle him after the customary burp and holding him upright for 30 minutes (he has reflux and can't be laid flat too soon after eating). We usually drift off together with him laying on my chest, before I surface again and get him settled in the bassinet next to our bed. We do this several times in the night, before we have to get up for the day, with my half-asleep husband lending his support by rubbing my back while I feed our son.

Before the sun has a chance to rise, I have to get up and get ready for the day ahead. Baby comes to work with me, so my husband gets him fed and changed into a clean outfit while I pull myself into some semblance of order. I grab my lunch and the baby's diaper bag that I packed the night before, and heigh-ho, it's off to work we go! Our hour long commute could be peaceful, with little man snoozing to some tunes in his carseat. Or it could be chaotic, with him fussing to be out of his seat or mad that we keep stopping due to traffic (insert child Ricky Bobby "I wanna go fast, I wanna go fast!").

We work part-time in an office. It's mostly quiet, and some days it's just the two of us. I feed and cuddle my baby, getting my daily work tasks done around diaper changes and baby giggles. I'm lucky to have the option to have him with me. To be able to do what I need to for financial responsibilities, but also show up and be present as a mother. It's an incredible opportunity that unfortunately isn't an automatic given for parents these days.

While it feels like I'm in the circus most days, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Coffee usually helps center me amidst the whirlwind that is my daily routine. I get one meager cup a day, but oh that one hot cup of coffee. It's less about the caffeine (although I can't pretend that it doesn't make me feel more human), and more about the habit. It was a part of my routine for so long, that my day doesn't feel complete without a warm mug in my hands.

After the drive home, I try to keep my momentum going by doing a bit of housework. I run out of steam quicker these days, or have my rhythm interrupted by baby wanting to eat or be held, so I try not to be hard on myself for not getting as many chores done as I used to be able to. Dinner is usually pretty simple (thank you HelloFresh), although my husband and I don't typically get to eat at the same time. Somehow, our son has a knack for sensing when we are about to eat and demands to be entertained.

We spend our evening settling the baby- bath time, books, and cozy pajamas. We rock and sway, shush and sing, and sometimes beg for little eyes to droop shut. We take delight in our son, but sometimes we pray for a few minutes of quiet and peace.

After the baby finally drifts off and is tucked into his bassinet, my husband and I take a moment for ourselves. We catch up on the day, swap dumb and hilarious social media videos we've saved for each other, and find comfort in knowing that we understand the tired delirium that each other is experiencing.

It's not always pretty, nor easy. It may seem repetitive and exhausting at times. But I wouldn't trade this for anything. This life of baby cuddles, coffee, work and love.