My Brother Hayden

(TW: Mentions of loss and suicide)

My brother would be 25 today. How would he look? Would he have grown his hair long again? Would he have the beginnings of a beard, or a clean shaven face? How would he want to celebrate the first quarter of his life? I know he would have spent the day laughing.

Now we have to reach deep into our hearts for the memory of his laugh. We share the stories we cherish most about Hayden, and try to navigate celebrating his life and how he impacted us while grappling with our heartbreak over his loss.

As a young boy, Hayden was sensitive and intense. Nothing he did was halfhearted, perhaps except chores. As a toddler, he preferred live action movies to cartoons, and enjoyed dressing up as whatever movie character he was currently into. That ranged from superheroes to cowboys, he even had a period of pretending to be in Men in Black and wore a suit every day.

As he got older, it seemed his favorite pastime was arguing with his sisters, being primarily surrounded by women. But no matter how frustrated he was with us always hassling him, he always made us laugh. Hayden was very quick witted and had a great sense of humor.  He had a strong work ethic and was fiercely loyal. We had a few inside jokes that I still quote to this day, and whenever I say it out loud, I swear I can hear his laugh.

I wish he had fully understood how much he was loved and how he touched so many lives. Everyone who had the great fortune to meet Hayden had nothing but wonderful things to say about him. I wish we had understood how much he was hurting.

We didn’t have nearly as much time with him as we should have, but despite the pain of his loss, I can be forever grateful for the time we did have together.  His involvement in our family’s future will be in the stories we will continue to tell of him in his absence. It doesn’t replace the comfort of his physical presence, but it’s better than never having had him in our lives at all.

It’s been 4 years and today would be his 25th birthday. My parents decided to set up a pay-it-forward memorial at a local coffee shop in Shelbyville Tennessee. If you stopped at Southern Cup on June 24th, 2026, you may have had one of your coffees paid for by my family and received an In Memoriam card with some words about my brother. It’s important to us that people continue to be touched by Hayden’s life, and that we spread awareness about reaching out for help if you are struggling.

If you reach out a hand, there will always be a hand reaching back.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.